At first you were not even around and my days were unselfconscious and free of your curious, sometimes flattering, sometimes offending (but always piercing) gaze. And then you came in, demanding a share of the air that I claimed as mine, leaving me breathless and flushed. But at least you kept a distance. I stayed still and you took your place so you could see but not touch, sense but not smother.

Time passed and the distance reduced. The proximity was scary, thrilling and so comforting. I didn’t have to see you; indeed I could not. But I knew you were there, like an invisible warm blanket. Was it just chance, a sign from the skies, a careful plan of yours? Who could say? Not me in any case. Though I did notice that this time it was you that had stayed still and I that had got drawn.

Like some pretty singer sang sadly once… should’ve seen just what was there, and not some holy light. It got cold, and I guess the stars sensed it too. Fate intervened once again, and up sprang the walls. The closeness was gone, the proximity became a thing of the past. I could call if I wanted, but my voice wouldn’t carry. You anyway would never need to call; your need for me was finished.

You've averted your gaze, but yet I know sometimes (even often perhaps) you sneak up to the boundaries of my world and peep in. Perhaps you want to see how I’m coping, if I’m still missing you and feeling miserable. Am I wallowing in sadness, wishing us back in your window at night, looking at the paper star making a dancing spray of little lights on your pale wall? Am I still weak for you? I don’t know what you find… I barely even know you’re there. As far as I’m concerned, you never came in at all.

I've averted my gaze, but you know sometimes (often in fact) I sneak up to the boundaries of your world and peep in. Perhaps I want to see how I’m coping, if I’m still missing you and feeling miserable. Am I wallowing in sadness, wishing us back in your window at night, looking at the paper star making a dancing spray of little lights on your pale wall? Am I strong enough for you yet? You probably know what I find… You always know when I’m there. As far as you’re concerned, I never went away at all.