Panic...

Of course i want to go away, but only long enough to heal. Only to come back. I don't wanna go away forever. Everytime people go away things change. People change. They change. I don't want change. Don't want everything new, don't want to give up the old, don't want to open my eyes, don't want to go to sleep.

Life is so strange.
When we’re in good shape, we attribute it so much to the food we eat, and when we’re grossly overweight, the food or the diet is hardly ever blamed.
We snap at family members, scold our loving kids, and refuse to talk for days with people we call our better halves, and we sugar coat our words with customers, and are Mr./ Ms. Manners with bosses, subordinates, janitors, waiters, cab-drivers or their wives.
We see little of people we cherish the most, and spend endless hours with those we care naught for.
We preach and don’t practice our own lessons.
We hurt the people we know we ought not to
We remember insignificant birthdays and forget the most important ones
Worse, we don’t apologize
We live like fools, and we act like angels

Two worlds

Slept late, woke up late. Gonna reach office late. Bitch of a presentation waiting to be finished... and another 10000 things that need 'to be looked into', "asap". Attn: Imp. Urgent. Reminder.

Screw you all. Rotten mood, urge to snap at someone. Maybe even slap someone. That's important too since its on the 30-things-before-30 list. Maybe i'll do it today.

But then i've killed the urge so many times before so maybe i will again. Ain't i so sweet!

There's a carnival on. There're jokers trying to make me laugh, sweet-sellers trying to tempt me with goodies that spell disaster, street-magicians doing unbelievable tricks, painted dancers casting an enchanting spell, and a lot of noise of songs i like, drum beats, trumpets and laughter. This is a happy place - bright, cheerful and warm. It makes me smile in the middle of many things serious and boring. What keeps me sane. My li'll trick on the world.

I don't like her. Downright despise her. Don't trust her a bit, think she's a scumbag and capable of the stooping to the lowest degree. One of the few people in the world that makes my flesh crawl. I don't wanna see her face, don't wanna hear her voice. The walls and the headphones are my cocoonshells... helping me block her out. Angry, hateful, vengeful, rebellious. Mirthful. Irresponsible. Prankster. She brings out the worst in me.

Promises, secret messages, songs e-mailed, CDs sent. Compliments, mock insults, questions, answers. Teasing texts. Crossword clues. Trivia. An exit route, a new direction, a new life, a key to the shackles. Anticipation. Eagerness. Happiness.

My two world co-exist every minute. Not harmoniously, not peacefully. They're at loggerheads, each powerful and strong. As they wage their war in my head, i alternate between the highs and lows that could put the best rollercoaster ride to shame. Can't stand it for long, it's gotta stop. These are perhaps the best days of my life.