Sensory overload

I wish for deep, clear water to go under for a while. A long while. As long as it takes to relieve my senses of the assaults they face all day.

Countless Ganpati processions clanging and beating innumerable drums. The TV playing in the other room. Wind chimes. The steam from the pressure cooker. Dog barking at the processions. The phone ringing. Voices - boss, client, my own. The periodic thud of the ball that G's bouncing on the wall. The clicking of the keyboard as i type this. My head ready to explode. Thank God i'm miles away from Thelma at least. The next time i meet her, i'll surely find a way to talk about voice modulation.

The incense from Dad's room. G's sweaty socks somewhere...gotta find them and throw them into the bloody garbage can. Milk boiling. Did you know that boiling milk has an aroma? It does. The snooty neighbour cooking fish. The aroma distracting, making mouth water, mind go back many months to that cloudy afternoon at Lobos, making me acutely aware of how long its been...

The sweets that Rekha's been making since Ganpati started. It began with steamed modaks (i'm sick of them now but still...yummmm!!!) and ended this evening with my favvvvooooorite coconut-milk-and-jaggery payasam. This, after creamy cake in office. Papaya in the morning. More fruits in the evening. Chocolate - even though only a tiny bit in the cab on the way home.

The fan that i can't live with or without. Too hot, too cold. Either this extreme or that. The only thing i know in the world that gives it to you black or white. No in between shades of grey. The kaajal that's smudged. The cuticles that beg to be pushed back. The scratches on my arms thanks to Dog. The oily T zone.

And my eyes...reading. Always, always reading - books, newspaper, magazine, blogs, calorie chart on jam jar, washing instructiong on new delicate top, e-mails - bouquets, brickbats, jokes, sms's, faces. Helping me tease, accuse, plead, disapprove, ask, tell, smile. Helping me see, helping me hide.

And yet, when S asked me what i read, i'd no answer. I didn't know. What DO i read?

Wish it were possible to switch off. I know some people can. I know i cannot. I think i should just go to sleep. That's pretty much like being underwater, isn't it? And you can breathe.